‘Taking time,’ a well-known phrase that describes one’s own preferred pace or time to use in doing something or slowing down from one’s usual activities or daily routines. In this fast-paced world where everything requires haste and immediacy, taking time for some people has become a mere idea, an idea that they would want to savor but the loads of work to do won’t allow them.
On the contrary, many people have also cherished the essence of taking one’s time. Gratefully, I am one of them. I, myself, have found the beauty of taking my time off and that is the reason behind my hiatus from writing. You may notice my temporary break from this social media platform for a year. But now, I am here again facing my laptop screen with my slightly shaking hands on the keyboard. I have never been this exuberant before, now that I am back!
Well, if you’d ask how did I take my time? I took time for the most essentials in life. I took my time for my family, for my immersed tasks with my amazing clients, and mostly, I took my time for myself. Coming out from the shell of agonizing, life-altering events of my life, I took time to heal before I could finally do.
No, I wouldn’t talk about how bitter these experiences are. This writing is an intent to impart the beauty of such experiences and how it has shaped the kind of woman that I am today. I want everyone to know that bitterness can be savored, especially, when one has gone through it completely. That is no wonder why they call life a bitter-sweet journey. You’ll never taste its luscious sweetness when you haven’t tasted its acrid epoch.
As a woman in the business, I started with the knowledge that maintaining it is much harder than building it, but I didn’t foresee how radically torturing it was when it happened in the actual. I confidently deemed I was ready but I was completely not.
Spending my years in the business, I understand that there are people who will come to your life as friends and at the same time trusted colleagues, but eventually, they sadly end up leaving you as foes. After their leaving, a void will start to kindle in your heart. It’s a kind of void that can only be filled by the people who have caused it. You will question your worth and capability for countless times and you may find yourself staring blankly as you shed a tear regardless of how hard you fight it.
The memories and the wishful thinking come to you at night and the worst thing? It comes to you even when you are preoccupied at any time of the day. It’s like a brute that never stops haunting you and never stops consuming your sanity and all the rights to be happy.
The hardest part about this is that it becomes a daily basis. Healing will never be easy. It takes a deal of time. The amount of time may even last in months, years or even decades for you to feel whole again.
But trust me, it’s worth the wait and patience as well as the sleepless nights and heavy-hearted days. It’s like a beautiful flower that withered but flourished again and just like a kid who stumbled from running, stood up again and fixed his wounds with band-aids. If you could just go back to those free-spirited childhood days and hypothetically fix that bullet hole-like wounds with band-aids, but you can’t and that won’t ever happen.
So you stand up again, but now you’re firmer and more confident than you have ever been. Gracefully, as you accept your flaws, your mistakes, and your painful experiences, you need to stand up as a full-grown woman. Fix your crown and rise so you can shine again.
All those words enlivened me within those years that I have killed all my hope. Truthfully, I had a thousand reasons to fall but I thought, ‘Why would I if I have a million reasons to be determinedly strong and continue to fight this battle?’ I focused on the silver lining in front of me and not on the drawbacks lurking behind me.
I owe my glimmer of hope to my loyal and great clients. Currently, I am working with five generous and hardworking clients: with Don whom I have been happily working with since 2015 together with my surviving team of CADI babes and although the year 2018 has given me so much pain, I didn’t close my doors for opportunities. In that year, I met and worked with new amazing clients.
Another source of courage that I have held on to is the real friends that have become my family. They have never stopped believing in me and remained with me through thick and thin. Actually, you’ll learn who your real friends are when everybody else is leaving your side, and these great people just don’t.
Among anyone else, my real source of strength to keep going amidst the stumbling blocks is my family: my supportive and guiding force husband, my four precious kids and my new bundle of joy. Just this October, I gave birth to the newest treasure of our family. All of them have certainly made me the strongest woman in the business and motherhood.
To sum up some of my challenging years, my year of 2018 was all about losses. I lost a lot. I lost people that I have fervently treasured, opportunities that I have protected, and I lost some pieces of myself. But 2019 turned all the tables around, I gained a lot more. I learned a bunch of awe-inspiring lessons. Most of all, this enlightening year has taught me to trust and love others and myself again. I was able to gracefully put all the pieces that these bitter epochs broke me apart. And now, as I face another year which I had no idea what’s ahead, I am cherishing blessings and more to come in the future. With all these experiences, I am stronger enough to face the challenges ahead of me.
Here’s the point; it takes time to deeply know your flaws, your strengths, and the whole you as a human. But as I say, take most of your time in doing what you love and what’s good for your soul. And at the right time, you’ll see, how taking time patiently fruits the most beautiful blessings.
As of now, I am the happiest to say that I am back in the business and ready to take all my time to face all the coming trials with a wiser mind, a hopeful heart, and head in the clouds while feet on the ground.